It’s episode five, and you know what that means: The Hills cast—well some of them—take a trip to Vegas to fight, make up, and then talk about it for the next few weeks. In Vegas, Audrina faced off against Stephanie over Justin Bobby. Mischa showed off her shady side. JB…just sat there pretending he’s not playing with the feelings of two women who are really into him.
Back in Malibu, Brody and Kaitlynn fought the Woolsey fire, Spencer and Heidi got closer to the Wahlers, and Whitney Port probably went to a farmer’s market or something.
We caught up with Spencer Pratt to get his thoughts on what went down. As always, he had a lot to say.
On Mischa and Audrina meditating…then facing off on the beach.
I don’t know why they were trying to meditate without a nice little protection grid of Pratt Daddy Crystals. They needed a lot more than some deep, cleansing yoga breaths to handle all the drama going on in their lives. I could have told them that.
I should have gifted them some of my crystals at the party, but I was only handing them out to influencers with huge followings. My bad. I would have hit Audrina with a discount code if I’d known what she was up against this episode.
On Mischa talking shit about Audrina’s best friend for trying to protect her from Justin Bobby.
It’s great that Mischa cares so much about the sanctity of the crystals party—maybe she’ll get a discount code on season two—but she’s way off-base about Joey.
Mischa should have addressed Joey at the party instead of running out so fast not even an HD camera could catch her fleeing into the night. If she didn’t think Joey’s behavior was appropriate, she should have politely told her to square up instead of waiting until it was all over. I love her energy on this one, but if she has a problem she needs to speak it, not save it.
Heidi: Mischa never has anything to say to anyone’s face, but a lot to say in her testimonials. And that’s just not how this works.
Spencer: I think Audrina thought they were going to edit this entire beach scene out or she would have fought back harder.
I would love to have a friend like Joey who calls it how she sees it and checks people when they’re being fake. I hope Joey is on the payroll and getting her money, because you need that type of hype-woman when you’re swimming with these piranhas.
On not being invited to Vegas, even though Kaitlynn claimed he was.
I was never invited to Vegas. If anyone would like to show up at Pratt Daddy Crystals headquarters with a lie detector test, I’d love to do a livestream. I’m assuming Kaitlynn was in charge of the guest list. Not sure how many guest lists she’s going to be in charge of in the future.
Let me see a text of the invite. Let me see Brody hitting up my phone and leaving a voicemail. Usually when that type of thing happens, they film it because we’re on this thing called “a reality show.” That would have been a big deal, us putting aside our differences to do shoeys at The Venetian.
If there was an invite, there should have been a scene. I would have said to Brody, “Really? you want me there? That’s so sweet of you, Brody. Thank you. I won’t be going, but I appreciate the invite.”
The biggest mystery, though, is why Whitney didn’t get to go to Vegas. I thought she and Kaitlynn were really close friends on Instagram. Maybe she was just at home doing the swipe up for band-aids.
On why he wouldn’t have gone to Vegas, even if he had been invited:
If it’s not trap music or Taylor Swift, you’re not going to catch me watching a DJ set in Vegas. And Taylor wasn’t in Vegas that weekend, I checked.
I also had a charity event to go to. I like to put my Gucci coat on and go get a nice buffet. Vegas isn’t my thing unless I’m getting paid and no one was sending me a check to show up and eat shrimp at Catch.
I know I said I’d go anywhere for the cameras, but the nearest one was 15 minutes away in Beverly Hills. I don’t need to drive six hours to argue with Stephanie when I could just read The Daily Mail to see what her problem is now.
I’m glad Mischa got to go, though. I feel like she loves Vegas. That’s probably a given if you Google her.
On Frankie going off on the Justin, Stephanie, Audrina love triangle.
Justin Bobby was not liking Frankie telling the truth. It reminded me of one of those 48 Hours where the detective clearly knows who the murderer is, but the serial killer is all, “hey, hey let’s be cool. Don’t be blowing up my spot until I get a few more bodies under my Willy Wonka hat.”
That’s what the scene reminded me of. Everyone thought Justin Bobby was just going to put on a magic show with his fedoras and eyeliner, but he was really there to kill Audrina’s hopes and dreams. Frankie had his number.
Why Audrina doesn’t stand up for herself to Stephanie.
She looks in Stephanie’s eyes and thinks, it’s not worth getting murdered in my sleep.
She’s looking at her drink thinking, did Stephanie have access to this before I got here, because I’m not trying to wake up in a glass coffin surrounded by the seven dwarves with no memory of the past five years.
Audrina was outnumbered. I think she realized she was up against Justin, Stephanie and Mischa, when she was there for the free chips, appetizers and sea bass. She didn’t realize she was in enemy territory.
Audrina is dealing with so much in real life with the lawyers and the TMZ stories that, by the time she got to Vegas, she probably just wanted her cocktail and her hors d’oeuvre. She’s saving her energy for the real problems she’s facing. None of these people are worth her time.
On Audrina never doing anything shady, but always being blamed:
Based on what I read on TMZ about Audrina’s life, there’s a lot of bad stuff happening to her and I will never say she’s the one responsible. And then this thing with Justin Bobby comes along and she really believed it was going to be something different, but here she is back in the swamp.
I would bet that he was really nice to her before they started filming, and that’s the part we’re missing. Even I’m sitting here going, “Audrina’s back with Justin? Are you kidding?” But I wasn’t there when they were at the store trying on eyeliner and laughing together. We’re just not seeing the complete story.
On Justin claiming that everything between him, Stephanie, and Audrina is fine because “we’re all just friends.”
I’m just so excited that my sister found somebody that she can click with on a friend level, and that they have whatever they have in common. I think leaving a nightclub with your arm around “your friend” when people are accusing you of being more than friends is a little strange, but I’ve never left a Vegas nightclub with my arms all over a “female companion.” Maybe I just don’t know how friendship works.
I was just waiting for Justin to speak up with one of his banger lines about truth and honor. He really missed his chance to show he’d changed by saying, “Hey, listen Audrina, Stephanie and I are just friends. We’ve never hooked up. I have no intention of hooking up with her. We get along because Stephanie has a brother and I have a sister and that’s a lot of things in common.”
Then he should have said, “I have no interest in you as anything more than a friend, Audrina, so we should all just enjoy our lobster and try to have a nice vacation.”
On Stephanie not having empathy for people affected by the wildfires because it was cutting into her weekend:
I will give Stephanie credit for being a method reality star, because when the cameras are rolling she only cares about what’s in front of her. She’s clearly very devoted to her role on the show. I don’t know if Stephanie even believed there was a fire—maybe she was just sitting there thinking, why didn’t I think of the fire storyline? and then, How can I make it seem like Spencer and Heidi started the fire?
Maybe she didn’t understand what was going on because the fire didn’t have a british accent? I’m just so blessed to have a sister who cares so much about others.
On Brody’s choosing to stay and fight the Woolsey fire instead of leaving the area:
My advice if we still talked would’ve been to get the F out of there, because his life is way more important than a couple of walls. He should have packed up his valuables, gone to be with Kaitlynn in Hollywood, and prayed for everything to work out.
I’d say, “Don’t risk your life because you’re not a fireman, you’re not a first-responder. There’s a mandatory evacuation, there are lives at stake. You dying isn’t a good storyline.”
On his friendship with Jason Wahler.
I unfollowed him on social media, but I didn’t block him. So, yeah, we’re pretty close.